Crying is a very dynamic concept because crying for me makes me feel vulnerable and that is why I am very much against the idea of crying. But for many others, it can be an expression and a representation of a very strong emotion. So, I really feel that even after being in my 20s I have not been able to give off the kind of past I had or childhood I had. See, I don’t know what is trauma, I think everyone has their own but I remember like still, that I dreaded loud noise or like a shout because that is what we always received. I had to deal with a lot of tempers and a gesture of disappointment for a very long time. So, I remember feeling like a disappointment to my parents and my grandmother. My grandmother, basically because I was just born a girl and to all my family till like 7th grade, because that is when I started becoming good at things, like studying and stuff, so I have never felt like unconditional love from my family. It was always more like a kind of reward system and so need to maintain everything if you want to enjoy that respect and more control and thus happiness.
Putting this out feels a lot better!